


knock down your walls (i’ll catch you if you fall)

by gothgirlclub



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Sad AU, Sad lance, Self Harm, Short, Short One Shot, Voltron, dialogue prompt, if you honestly need something to shock you into stopping then this is it, keith doesnt know how to accept help, keith kogane - Freeform, klance, lance mcclain - Freeform, lance wants to help him, sad keith, trigger warning, triggering, tw, words of recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 16:33:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16141169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothgirlclub/pseuds/gothgirlclub
Summary: Lance wants Keith to understand that he wants to help him get better.





	knock down your walls (i’ll catch you if you fall)

**Author's Note:**

> this handles triggering language and mentions. read with caution and dont ever be afraid to get help from a friend or lover or family member. you deserve to get better. you are NOT your demons. you are MORE than just your illness.

“How many times?” Lance begged, his voice breaking as he held up the dainty razor stained with red. Warmth meant recently used. Stained meant more than once. His heart broke as he stared at the eye of the weapon.

“How many times did you drag this... this God forsaken metal across your delicate skin? How many times did you allow such a weightless, insignificant tool feel like pounds and pounds of bricks being set on your already breaking, hollow bones?” Keith swallowed thickly as a spotlight was pointed directly at him. He was choking. He was sweating. He was panicking.

Bones like jelly, skin like paper, Keith felt like folding to the carpet floor and collapsing beneath the very weight of both his own body and his self loathing. The pressure of being caught red handed felt like he was punched in the gut, his winded lungs begged for a breath he couldn’t let himself take. His secrets spilling open to the world, or the only world that mattered to him. What could se say? Should he speak? He didn’t know if he was capable with the burn if his throat as piles of letters tugged on his vocal strings yet clogged his esophagus full.

“How many times did you allow yourself to believe that tearing apart the only home you’ll ever have was the only way to fight o-or to express the hundreds of slamming doors and shards of shattered glass you hold within yourself? How many times have you believed in the whispers of hatred that you hear echo off the crumbling walls of your home?” 

Lance continued as his voice shook with emotion and his fist shook with emphasis on the razor between his fingers. He could think of a million and one alternatives to cutting oneself. He could think of so many other ways to rid oneself of their inner demons and skeletons than physically ripping them out of their bloodstream. And the voices? The voices of self doubt and second guessing could scream but how could he give into it when every day he wore a smile bigger than the universe and had people standing by his side to fight with him? 

“How many times did you cry tears of blood that fell like a never ending rainfall from an everlasting storm of emotions? How many times have you watched a crimson waterfall while salt water fell from your very own sore eyes creating a vast blur of emotion and manipulation as you relieve yourself of pain?” 

Keith envisioned the nights he spent drowning within his own depression flooding his lungs and clouding his judgements. He vividly remembers the times his legs would collapse beneath his weight and he’d fall to the tiled bathroom floor, reaching with shaking hands for the one thing he dreams about when things get hard - too hard for him to handle. The nights he spent with his back pressed against the restroom door as he took that very blade from beneath his bathroom cabinet and pushed it against his porcelain skin, watching as - 

“How many times have you told me never to harm myself since it can ruin my own perception of who I am and what I can do? How many tomes have you begged me never to destroy my mind or my body or my soul with the poison that is anger and self hatred?” 

Lance recalled every moment Keith would smile and make him promise never to harm his beautiful bronze skin with violet eyes holding a sense of urgency. He listened every time. He knew it wasn’t the way to go, his medication and his therapy sessions were the way to go. His family and friends were the only things he should open up to and not the cold remnants of a pulled apart razor blade. He laughed. He smiled. He let go of demons and second guessing, finding comfort within his best friends and boyfriend to let his walls down brick by brick. Keith knew what it was like to feel guarded and reduced to a scrap of metal two inches by a half; he fought to keep him from falling down this same hole. Lance was going to fight to pull him out of the grave that he’s dug for himself even if it killed him.

“How many times did you forget to love yourself the way you need to be loved? How many times did you forget to care for yourself the way you need to be cared for?”

Keith can’t remember the last time he loved himself the way Lance did. He can’t recall the last time he allowed himself to get a full night’s rest or let himself even think about pampering in anyway. He kept himself up and available for whatever. He kept himself free, too busy worrying about his presence to enjoy leaving the house or too sad to even leave the comfort of his bed for a night out with his ‘friends’. Are they even his friends? They’re Lance’s friends. He didn’t have friends to shower him in attention or affection. All he had was his insecurities and his broken mindset.

“How many times until you realize that everything you need has been right outside your doorstep? How many times until you see that you’re no longer alone in this haunted house?”

And Lance. He had Lance. Forever and always will he have him to hold on to when his knees want to give out and to vent to when the voices become to much. He has him to make him smile on days he doesn’t want to be alive and to fight beside him against demons that tell him he’s broken or worthless. He’s not. He’s worth the world to Lance. He’s not alone alone anymore even if he thinks he is. All he needs to do is reach out to him, to them. All he has to do is let them help him. Lance would drop the world for him. Pidge would talk day and night to convince him he’s good enough and that he’s not useless just because the chemicals in his brain are unbalanced. Hunk would tell him a million and one jokes just to make him laugh, or even just grin, when he wanted to forget his troubles. 

“How many times until you have no more skin to tear and no more blood to bleed? How many times until you’re lying in a coffin and everyone’s crying because you never opened up the door for us so we could never see the chaos and destruction inside?”

Maybe Keith was afraid of letting them into his broken home, of seeing him in his most fragile and empty state. People who have came in only destroyed him more - they left him without a word of why, they lied to him like he wasn’t worthy of the truth, and they take advantage of his need to please and be more than just a boy. He’s tired of being let down by the people he lets in. How can he fix a broken house when someone walks in just a smash the windows or punch the walls? He’s scared. He’s tired. He wants to give up but Lance just keeps holding on.

“How many times are you going to push me away before you realize just how much I love you and want to be there for you?” 

Keith was crying. His chest ached with the weight of his own guilt as he felt the ice in his veins spread from head to toe. His fingers shook. His bottom lip quivered. God, he could feel the beat of his heart slam against his ribcage and fracture the porcelain bones. Speak. Say something. Anything. 

Why can’t you fucking speak? Are you that pathetic? 

Lance set the razor blade down on the granite counter too before approaching his boyfriend with slow, steady steps so he didn’t frighten him. He knew he was afraid. He knew he was breaking. He knew he had to approach with caution because Keith was red faced with snot running and bones shaking in place. The pieces of the puzzle he spent so long putting together were scattering apart and he knew if he didn’t help him put them back together within the next few minutes then there was no way his boyfriend would ever trust him enough to see past his exterior. 

Lance wasn’t crying, but the water in his eyes stung as he gently grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and held it in his own. Keith’s violet eyes didn’t meet his diamond ones but they didn’t have to. It didn’t matter because Lance knew just how broken he was and just how bad he needed him right now. He needed someone to help him and he was going to be that person if Keith would just let him.

Keith’s arms wrapped around Lance’s neck slowly, hesitantly, before his entire weight came crashing on to his body. His boyfriend took it. He held him up and in his arms with a tight grip, tight enough to hold him together and to keep anything else from breaking off of him. But he felt it crack. He felt his cement walls shaking as the warm embrace and familiar cologne melted away his tensed muscles. 

“I’ve got you now, Keith. It’s okay to fall, I’ve got you. Just let go.”

Lance would always be there for him, and Keith knew that. He knew that Lance wouldn’t hurt him. He knew that this was a boy he could fall in love with and trust with his entire being. Why can’t he just trust him?

Maybe they stayed in each other’s embrace for ten minutes. Ten whole minutes of heart wrenching sobs and Lance’s tight embrace. Maybe Lance tossed his razor blades into the trash bin when they finally recollected themselves enough to walk. Maybe they fell asleep with the comfort of the weight of each other against them. 

And maybe a pretty boy with pretty words won’t save somebody’s life, but if Lance  
believes and tries hard enough and Keith trusts him enough to be his rock, maybe he can save his boyfriend’s.


End file.
